Changing my name was not a decision that I made lightly.
It was something that kept me awake at night wondering about what to do, especially as I had built my whole business and mentoring career around the name Emma Fluerty.
I worried about what people would think of me. I worried that people would think that I was changing my name because I was a scammer, which I’m clearly not, but people talk shit online and say hurtful things that have no substance or truth to them. I was worried that my name change would just add fuel to that fire.
The way that I felt at the time, I definitely knew that I couldn’t handle a massive fire in my business, while I was about to burn down my entire personal life.
I worried about what it would be like for my daughter if I had a different name to her. I worried that I would feel awkward when I called anywhere regarding my daughter and had to say. “Hi, I’m Emma (Insert New name), I’m (daughters name) Fluerty’s mum.” And there being silence on the other end while people tried to understand what I said.
I was really concerned about what everyone else would think.
It was a hard decision, but I felt as though at the time it was the right thing to do.
Then my personal life blew up. I never expected the things that happened to happen despite all my sleepless nights planning my exit from my marriage.
I have spent the best part of the last year never being 100% happy with my decision to keep the name Fluerty. I have chopped and changed between, “Yes I’m changing it.” to “No, I’m not.”
I’d go back and forth. Back and forth. Over and over and over.
I just didn’t feel as though the name was me. It didn’t resonate with me at all. It didn’t feel like my identity.
Not long ago, around the time that the divorce paperwork and custody arrangements were finally signed and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, I felt as though it was time to let the name go.
I could let go of the name along with all the other shit that had been going on.
I decided that it doesn’t really matter what other people think. Who cares if I have a different name to my daughter, hell, it’s not like I’m the first mother out there to have a different name to their kids, right?
I had finally made the decision and was certain that it was the right thing to do. The right thing to do for ME.
Then came the hard task of actually choosing the new surname.
Do I go back to my maiden name?
Do I actually pick my own name?
Think about it like this, we NEVER actually get to choose our own name.
Our parents pick our names when we are born. For all the parents out there – HOW HARD IS IT TO PICK A NAME FOR YOUR BABY!? I found it so hard, it’s such a massive responsibility as that baby turns into a child, then a teenager and then an adult.
What if the name I pick makes the child get bullied at school?
What if the name I pick is great for a kid but when that kid turns into an adult? What if they are a lawyer or a doctor and but their childish name makes them lose respect?
It is a seriously traumatic experience picking a name for your child.
We never get to pick our own names.
I feel as though over the last few years I have grown so much as a person, through experiences and lots of personal development I’ve immersed myself in. I have left behind both of my old identities of my maiden name and married name.
I decided that I wanted to choose my own name.
I wanted to make that decision for myself.
I decided I didn’t want something common and I also didn’t want something that people can’t pronounce or spell easily.
My favourite all time TV show is Buffy The Vampire Slayer, my mentor Leela suggested that I should be known as Emma Summers so that then I would feel like I was Buffy’s sister. I wasn’t 100% certain of that name but it did set the wheels in motion for how I actually found surnames to list after Emma.
I pulled all the names I loved from actors and characters in TV shows and wrote massive long lists and reading them over, crossing them off to get a short list (which was still a long list).
I used surname generators online to try to find something that I liked and ticked all the boxes I had.
It was a massive process of elimination, as I needed to be 100% certain about this decision.
It had gotten to the point where I was down to a few names and was pretty certain of one, but needed some friends opinions to back me up, as by this point I think my brain was overloaded with names and I couldn’t think clearly after weeks of searching.
So finally after the best part of 18 months of going back and forth about keeping my surname or changing it, I had a name written in front of me that had be saying “This is the one!”
That is the story of how Emma Greyson was created.